Posted tagged ‘friends’

January 27th-Ask Tango

January 28, 2010

So Tango has received a lot of emailed messages, asking for his advice in certain situations.  Tango is more than willing to help.  For entertainment, I will post a few of the letters now.

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Hey Tango, I got a question for ya’.  For the past year and a half, I’ve been basically handling two positions for my company.  When they fired the last guy, they never hired anyone else and just dumped his responsibilities on me.  I’m thriving in both roles, but I’m feeling myself getting burned out, mainly because my pay didn’t increase.  I know these are tough times and my company has been cutting back.  Do you think I should risk asking them for a raise?

Thanks

John P.

Mr. John P.  It is obvious that your company thinks you are a panzy.  The only time you should strive to do the work of two men is in the bedroom.  However, if you must continue this path, by all means pursue the raise in salary.  Tonight, eat twenty-two bean burritos.  Go to work tomorrow and enter your boss’s office.  Once inside, lock the door and let go of a fart.  Threaten to continue farting until your demands are met.  This will work my friend.

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Tango, I think I have a crush on my wife’s best friend.  She flirts with me a lot.  What should I do?

Harry C.

Harry, You do not want to do anything that you are going to end up regretting.  Trust Tango, if you do not sleep with your wife’s friend, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life.

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My wife and I have been married for 10 years, but I think she’s having an affair.  Should I confront her?

Mike S.

Your wife is having an affair…with Tango.  Just accept it, for these things are inevitable.

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I am a sophomore in college (pre-med) and I have been working at a stripclub to earn extra money.  It has always been my dream to be a doctor, but lately I have been thinking about maybe becoming a porn star.  Do you think this is a wise move?

Katherine J.

You are obviously a bright, intelligent woman with a lot to offer the world besides just a pretty face, and the last thing you want to do is to allow those things to get in the way of a promising career in porn.

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Hey dude.  I’m usually not into guys, but I find myself obsessing over you.  I think you’re very handsome and just dripping with charisma.  Do you think it would be possible for us to meet for dinner and drinks?

Christopher Knight

Tango is a friend to all.  Please, send me a picture of you along with your address, so that Tango may send someone to kill you.

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Hello Tango, I am a published author and am so lonely.  As a published author, I try to make friends but people often misunderstand my intentions and I end up alienating people.  I really am a sweet lady, a published author, who just wants to see others reach their full potential.  I enjoys long walks at the park, sunsets, being condescending and eating charcoal.  Is there hope for me as a published author to find friends in 2010?

P.S.

Would you be my friend?

Thanks, Lynne P.B. (Published Author)

Lynne, to answer your last question, do not be silly.  Tango is a friend to all, but even Tango has standards.  And for your first question, do not worry about this.  These people are just being judgmental and making jokes about you because they are frustrated.  That is right.  You frustrate people.  It is irritating Tango just to write a response to you.   However, Tango knows that everyone deserves friendship.     Please do not let your delusions, your backwards logic or those wooden teeth deter you from your goal.  Get up tomorrow, put a smile on your face and by all means, do not be afraid to walk out into traffic and offer a hug to the first 18-wheeler that comes your way.

P.S.

Thank you for sending Tango a copy of your book.  Tango did not read your book.  But he is pretty sure it was a boring peice of shit.  

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Tango will post more letters soon, so please keep them coming.  Be well my friends.  And remember, “If Tango would not approve, do not make the move.”

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